I don’t reblog things like this very often, but if you can help out philososhy, please please please do so. They are most wonderful and very deserving of some support.
I wanted to get rid of stray fluff and compost and little bitty offcuts of wire that stick in the feet when going for a pee at 3am. Now i have a room that smells like fag ash.
Argh, finally get the courage to make the phone call and there won’t be any GPs available for an appointment until after the Easter holidays.
Great, I’ll have to take a day off work, and have people asking awkward questions.
Still, small steps and all that. As long as they are going in the right direction, they are worth taking.
Decided to rearrange the windowsill garden a bit. The alpine strawberries, 2 pots of tomato seedlings, and the heuchera seedlings are now in the greenhouse. They are replaced with seeded pots for sensitive plants, sedums, and choleus (sedum and choleus reused some old mushroom growing kit tubs, no point in wasting them).
The big yellow pot is one of poundlands “grow your own flowers” kits. This one is mixed freesias.
One of the things I had planned to do today was to get the first appointment with a doc in the hopes of getting referred to a gender identity clinic or counsellor or something.
I’ve dialed the number to set one up a half dozen times and backed out every time it starts ringing.
I think I need to sleep on this or something.
Today, I discovered the box of karismacolour pencils I was not allowed to use when I was a kid. I wanted to use them more than anything, but never got to, being stuck with nothing more than the shitty 12 pack of not-even-poundland quality pencils. Poundland quality art supplies would have been very welcome 15 years ago.
These pencils represent years of discouragement and hate being flung at my attempts to get better at something. I don’t know whether to hide them, bin them or burn them.
So I vented a little with them. Because who the hell will stop me now?
The special message is for everyone that discouraged me from drawing, painting, tinkering, or creating when I was a kid. You all knocked my confidence so badly, you put my skills back by a decade. What would I be doing now if you had encouraged me, or even simply been indifferent.
It has taken me a long time to start moving past the walls you have build in my mind. But, the more I break them down, the easier it becomes. So have a hearty fuck you.
Every single one of you.
Every family member that said “it’s not as good as your brothers”, “you can’t use the good pencils”, “stop wasting paper”, “go do something useful instead of drawing all day”.
Every person that asked “why are you drawing that?” to which I never could find an adequate answer back then.
Every bully that called me a fag, tore up my work or beat me in the street because I wanted to draw flowers, or doodle cartoon characters, or just make shapes with colour because I was bored.
Fuck every one of you.
I would also like to extend this message to every person that offers discouragement or hate to anyone I know, or anyone I don’t know.
Fuck you too.
Today - Marimo mossballs!
Little green fuzzy balls of algae. They are velvety, but also surprisingly solid feeling. I was not expecting them to be quite as dense for their size. I really expected something more “spongy”. Certainly one of the stranger plants I have crossed paths with.
I got mine from this ebay seller.
They will need a bigger container, but for the time being, they should be ok in the conical flask.
1 out of 4 gore commission for PeoniBabyPoni
((I hope so, there are another 3 in the works. Nicely done Patchmod))
Didn’t feel like working on anything serious, decided to try some facial expression practice.
Possibly got carried away.
Thank you again Pippy, wonderful work!
Especially the expressions, you are a master of faces.
(Also, blue! You’re the only person I see that uses blue lead. Makes me think of old engineers and diazo printers)
For you my dear c: I wanted to practise reff sheets so I can add them to my commission list XD~ Hope you like c:
Thank you! A most wonderful reference for Peony.
I will add it to the reference page for her <3
I’m glad what I do gives other people ideas and I’m always willing to talk, (privately if you prefer for whatever reason).
Thank you, though I question the sanity of anyone that would call me beautiful.